Progress

You know, It feels like I've come to a point where I am finally happy with who I am, what I'm doing, and how I'm living. I may not be 100% where I want to be yet, but I am definitely getting there. Life is all about experimenting till you find that sweet spot, isn't it?

In terms of exercise, I've been loving deadlifts. Why I was shunning the best exercise ever I will never know, because I feel like a beast deadlifting! I feel fit, I see muscle definition, and it's nice to have goals. Even my weakest body part - my chest - is not so weak anymore.

Hello ripped legs and a booty!

I've also been getting into yoga, and learning it right from the basics. So far I've had 3 lessons, and I believe yoga is the perfect compliment to intense workouts. The nights I practice yoga (you know, because some nights I'm just way too lazy to get off the couch!), I fall into amazing, uninterrupted deep sleep and wake up with much less DOMS.

In terms of food, I'm not nearly thinking as much about it. I still get the hangry issues, but that's about it. Other than that... Want cupcake? Eat cupcake.

Shared between mom, dad, and I but I made sure to get the most bites!

Satisfied and no binges urges. Back to normal eats.

L.o.v.e breakfast: Fage Total (full-fat), cereal (Mix of Kashi Island Vanilla, Snackimals Vanilla Blast, Pb and Chocolate Puffins, Cinnamon Crunch), banana, berries (rasp, blue, black, straw), drizzled with chocolate hazelnut butter

And things in general are going well too. I'm enjoying my school projects, and I even have an upcoming trip to Malaysia to film a documentary in June. Honestly, when I first heard about the trip I was terrified. What was I going to eat? What would happen if I'd get hangry? How would I work out? Could I survive 4 days on my own? But now I'm not thinking so much about it. It's only 4 days, I can pack some food, and most importantly... I'll handle it when it comes.

In other good news, I have 3 day weekends now so... Thank God It's Thursday!

Current workouts

Hey everyone!

I hope the week has been treating you well so far. I'm on the train and the way to school right now so I thought I'd pop in for a bit.

I haven't been taking part in WIAW lately because I honestly haven't bothered taking photos of food much. Although it seems like such a minuscule detail, it marks huge progress for me. I really do enjoy making new food combinations and taking photos, but not when it's all I think about.

On occasion though? Well that's a whole other kind of pleasure...

But lately, I've also noticed that if I wait too long between meals I get hangry. And I mean hANGRY! It goes to a point where I get really temperamental and don't feel like eating anything (but of course still do). Eep, best to avoid that situation - especially for my poor mom!

  

So since I don't have much food photos to share and discuss about, today I'm going to talk workouts. I realized I always mention exercise on my blog but never really share what I do, so it's due time.

For a while now I haven't been too worried about my workouts either. I've also been doing very little cardio. Instead I've been lifting and lifting heavy!

Today morning I did an amazing leg workout:

Squats 4x8-10

Calf raises 4x12

Leg press 4x10-12

Superset with lunges 4x12 with 12kg dumbbells each side

I did my heaviest squat of 40kg (excl. bar), and leg presses of 130kg. One of the guys in the gym walked by when I was loading up my plates and asked, "Are you sure?" Psh! Don't underestimate a girl!

I think the thing about leg workouts is that I am pretty confident during. I know when to stop, and I know that my legs can handle the final push. That's why leg day is my favourite - and back! Plus I'm seeing great muscle definition in these two areas.

But the same can't be said for my chest workouts though... Gah!

My goal this week is to incorporate some deadlifts... Afterall, I have to stop shunning away the king of all exercises!

-

What's your current workout of choice?

Diamonds

Hey guys!

I managed to erase my whole post somehow and I'm left with this blank page staring at me. In fact, it was such a long rant that I kind of forgot how I started. Maybe a photo will makes things less awkward...

One of the things I've been up to during my brief absence was this. I've been drawing again after a long time for no apparent reason other than how great it makes me feel. It's nice to know that I can still pick up the pencil and start sketching my mind.

Most of all it is nice to know that I am kicking some serious ED ass. Life is amazing without mental fog. I can read and I love it. I love my classes in school. I love writing. I love drawing. I love lifting. I love eating what I crave. I love working out. But more importantly, I feel that emotion.

I don't sleep thinking of what I'm going to have for breakfast. I don't dwell over that amazing snack I made up. I don't plan my workouts for the week. I don't really think before giving into my ice cream craving. While doing these things may be the epitome of healthy living for the average person, for me not doing these things are. It feels natural for me to eat healthy most of the time and not so healthy the rest, it feels natural for me to fit exercise into my life (not the other way around anymore either).

I feel like I'm letting go of my biggest fear, which is being how I was back in the past - a long time ago. Way before my ED. I feel it because when I think about that girl now she seems like a different person. That whole scenario and the friends I used to have seem like a figment of my imagination. A bad dream. A place where I never have to be.

Letting go of that makes me feel like I've emerged way higher than my ED as well, and I feel like it's loosing grip of me with the passage of time.

Both situations are situations I never have to return to, and I have to remember that. Both situations happened for a reason, and both have made and are making me a stronger, and a different person. Soon enough.

Because even diamonds start as coal.

One month later

A little wonky with 6 hours of sleep after a long flight, I'm physically back here. But my heart still beats 3 hours ahead, 8 hours away...

I'd do anything to go back right now. Siiigh.

Missing my gym partner, taste-tester, and the one who always gives me a knock of reality on the head!

On the bright side, I am on time for the party!

Some iphone inflight photos...

Socks for cold feet - Women's Health to pass the time

Cheesymite (Cheese+vegemite) scroll.

Feedmee take-away for dinner. This beast had sweet potato, chicken, veggies, pineapple, feta, olives, walnuts and a soy + sesame dressing. Easily one of my favourite food places.

And back at home unpacking the Chobani brought over (With no broken packets at all this time!)...

Gah! I still can't believe a month passed so quick!

Didn't I just have these pancakes from Pancake Parlour?

Two buttermilk pancakes with golden fried banana, dribbling with maple syrup and dusted with cinnamon, topped with rich walnuts caramelized in butter, and finished with chocolate ice-cream. Ah-maaaaazzzzing.

Or a Mexican burrito and my first Kombucha at Vegie Bar (kinda fell in love with this place)?

And this amazing smoothie from the Aunt Maggie's Organic shop's juice bar?

Emily's PB smoothie: Milk, banana, cacao, honey, and freshly churned pb.

Or, you know, my other trip to Vegie bar where I had the best seeded spelt calzone?

And wasn't it just yesterday that I got 2 holes on my face?

Wait it was. And yes I totally cried. Haha.

Today I'm still a little loopy, and getting back into the routine. Good thing there's 2 more weeks of vacation (I thought we only had a week left)! But still.

I want to be in the city where everyone smiles and asks about your day. I want to be wrapped in wooly scarves and a long coat. I want to be where I can buy fresh, local produce. I want to be where I'm not the only girl in the weights room. I want to be where I can walk to Lululemon and go for a yoga class. I want to be where my brother is. I want to be where I have no bad memories. I want to be where I won't see these people. I want to be where I have a clean slate. I want to be where I feel free.

I want to be on 115 Wellington Street.